happy new year everyone!!

hello frens.
new year is just around the corner. to be exact, it is just 3 days away now.. and this whole week, i had been thinking to myself, what have i accomplished this year? did i accomplished anything.. at all?
when i go through my check list, it seems like i havent change and accomplish anything AT ALL.. well, i might exaggerate that a little bit, but even if i did accomplish something, it doesnt really make any changes or impact on myself. as i can see, im still the same old me.. lazy, or maybe even lazier, unpretty as i was, self-concious, single (as how i started this year), still behind in my studies. im still bad in my econs. im still sensitive. i still listen to rock. and i still love banana.

but as i go through, i figure that i did accomplish something that i didnt manage to accomplish last year. this year, i became even much closer with everyone around me. i have more friends than i used to have. i tend to think more carefully in doing decisions. i know how to make my own stand and make others listen to me, and not letting myself continuously become a follower. i tend to do MORE things on my own, independently. i tend to mess up less. i broke less hearts, including my parents. well, maybe for my siblings, i did break theirs, but i am truly sorry.. i juz need u guys to listen to me. i no longer want to be someone that u can bully and expect me to swallow everything that u told me to do or think or say. i do have my own stand now..

all i'm trying to say is, i've become more adult-ish after this one. ive grown. im no longer that little girl that people can just do watever they want to do to me. i have my own thoughts. my own desire. my own judgement. all i want to be is THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN that everyone else wants to be.

so this coming new year, i would like to make new hopes. new dreams. new desire. and of course.. new clothes! ahax! cant wait to go shopping again. akeke.. =P
so to all of you, have u thought wat u have done this year and what u have accomplished? are u now a better person or are you not? same goes to me.. let us all improvise ourselves and lets make the world a better place for everyone else, and ourselves..

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL..
and SALAM AIDILADHA..

-peace-
:: summer_breeze ::

r u one of the IDIOTS??

"10 THINGS IDIOTS DO ON FRIENDSTER"

Message:

ONE


there is NO SUCH THING as a friendster
tracker.

it does NOT exist.
so quit posting
stupid bulletins
like

"OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!"

no, it doesnt.

TWO


To the people who have like 25,000
friends,

are you serious?

You're stupid.

Go play in traffic.

THREE


Don't ever post pictures and say

"OMG, I'm so ugly"

"OMG, I'm so fat"

because if you were,

you wouldn't post them.


And if u do ur a freaking NERD.

FOUR


Nobody cares about threats over the
internet.

Don't try to act hardcore with the
keyboard.

Fighting online is like racing in the
special
olympics;


even if you win, you're still retarded.

FIVE


Quit crying

b/c you're not on someones top 8.

who cares?


ITS FRIENDSTER!!!

Stop naggin!!!

SIX


Who really cares if

I don't accept you as a friend?

MOVE ON!!!


Don't send me another request or
message
asking

"what's up with you not adding me?"

I don't want you as a friend,

THATS WHATS UP!!!!

SEVEN


Little 6th graders who have Friendster

and look like sluts, and act like
whores

go somewhere else

because nobody wants you here.

EIGHT


If you have decided to read this,

you are a true friendster Friend.


Real friends read their bulletins.

NINE


I say you go and pass this on

and maybe it will finally get through
people's brains

TEN


And if you open a bulletin and it says
something
like

"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost
will rape
your
dog
tonight,
or
"some dead skinless girl is
gonna rape
your
mom"

dont ever trust it. it's lame, u morone!

ELEVEN


testi is for u to drop testi regarding
your frens

but not for those stupid to post msg
thr..

testi is testi, msg is msg..

if u wanna chat, pls sent to msg!!
stupid~

...

QUIT BEING A TOTAL GAY WAD!!

life sucks no matter how much u tried to make it better

i see that telling stories is not my strongest traits. so, i think i shud put it into quotes or poems, or translation of lyrics of songs..

i do not know why i hate myself
i hate everything around me
i hate my life now
i hate the school
i hate those who always think about themselves
those who think that they're just too good for everyone else
those who dont really appreciate what others did for them
those who cant understand what others feel
those who just cant see the obvious
those who just dont get it
those who .... agh!!!

see, that's why i hate myself!
i hate myself so much that i want to destroy everything that i have
i'm so angry
im so sad
im so depressed
why?
i DONT KNOW!!
im crazy
im lunatic
im just unbearable
im annoying
im a crap!

no one can really understand me
no one can really cheer me up
no one can really bear all this dreadful thoughts of mine

i wanna scream
i wanna cry
i wanna jump off this building
or take a razor and cut off these veins
or just put a bullet into my head
and let all these miseries ends
but hey, suicide is a short cut to hell
n i dont want to go to hell yet.

why do i have to be the one who's feeling so miserable?
it's like i have the weight of the world on my shoulder
i've disappointed so many people in my life
i've lost all the patience that i have
every morning always leads to a gloomy day
those happy days that i used to have are now: GONE
they said "shit happens"
but man, life is full of shit
i've been making shit out of it!

agh!
damn all the sorrows
damn all the depression
damn all the miseries
damn all the darkness that i have now
damn them all
and leave me alone!
STOP HAUNTING ME!!

i love you but i chose darkness

first of all, i would like to say i'm sorry to everyone that i've hurt in my mood-swinging-mode. i know ive been a bitch towards everyone lately, and i totally regret what i've done, but this mood swinging thing, i dont think it is going to end soon. so juz bear with me just one week longer k.

if u r asking me what actually made me like this, i dont have an answer for that, for i too, do not know. it had been a while.. since college starts i guess.. and since everyone is leaving. i know, how pathetic i am to hold on too tight on the past so much and not wanting to let it go and move on, but .. i cant help it ok.

this mood swinging SUCKS. i cant be happy for even longer than 1/2 a day. this morning i was super hyper and happy. but now, im back being gloomy and crazy. start listening to this crappy depressing songs. happy songs sounds like shit for me now. i dont know why. love songs worse. my mind and head seems like to block all those songs out now. i do not know why. crazy? i thot so too..

"i love u, but i chose darkness". i love u guys as frens, but im sorry. let me be gloomy this few days. efforts to cheer me up will be deeply appreciated.
thanx a lot for being there for me my frens. love u guys so much.
till then..
hope i will feel better when i'm back..

:: summer_no longer has breeze ::