29 Sep 2009


i am now in newcastle, safe and sound .. and tired.

the 1 week of aidilfitri i had at home is nothing like any other hari raya i have ever had. everyday was filled with events, and gatherings, and reunions.

i get to see all my BFFs.

i get to meet really old friends, whom i havent seen for more than 10 years
(i never thought i will be saying this. it made me sound so old, at just being 21! lol)

i get to meet at least half of mama's family side.

i get to witness the engagement of kak mas and abang.

i get to bond with kak mas and hun hun
(though hun hun still owe me a meal, because he did promise to treat me -- and mind you people, hun hun is my sister's boyfriend)

it was a great vacation -- home never felt better! but now, im back in this foreign ground, which by now, shouldnt be too foreign for me i hope. and lets pray that tomorrow, and this year, will bring everything that is better.

ps: i end up not going for my classes today, and apparently we have already given our first assignment of the year -- thank God for helmi as my group mate, and lets hope norman would want to join our group too. *wishing*

27 Sep 2009

a sunday

i hate this sunday. this particular sunday.
because family will be left behind.
bahasa melayu sarawak is no longer within shouting distance.
no more telai belalai for the belalais.
no more reunion.
no more hari raya.
back to work.
back to school..

but ive got friends waiting, so thats not too bad.

people in newcastle.. im coming home~!

group photo without iylia

18 Sep 2009

a blast from the past (part IV)


*picture will come up later*

date of birth: 19 march 1986
race: Melanau
also known as: Eye @ I
ex-high school: SMK Agama Sibu
resemblance: Chad Michael Murray (to me at least)

if anyone happen to know where he is, i would love to know the update.

thank you very much :)

ps: dear aslam, my effort to find the blast from the past to humiliate you is still going on. consider yourself warned. lol.

pss: today is the day, the 2nd highlight of the few higlights of my homecoming! cant wait to see my girls, and guy. *sexcited!*

15 Sep 2009

gay or metrosexual

beau brummel.

what's that you may ask? according to the A.Word.A.Day newsletter that i somehow have subcribed, means:

"A man who pay excessive to his clothes and appearance"

somehow this word is an etymology, where it was actually a nickname to a british dandy named George Brian Brummel. apparently, he was one of the social-figure back in the days, who was considered as the Justin Timberlake back in the days. but, he then died penniless at a mental institution in Caen. lets just hope mr JT doesnt end up the same way.

speaking of a beau brummel (pronounced: bo BRUM-uhl), i think i like these kind of guys. they care about how they look like, appear decent and yummy at the same time. examples:

our dear mr JT (my celebrity crush).
always looks good no matter what he wear, not to mention his adorable personality, and definitely not all about keeping his cool -- refer to his SNL performances, he's HILARIOUS! if anyone could be the guy to look up to, he is THE guy.

i know its not fair that he is hot to begin with, and with the right clothes he will look hotter, but wont kill you to try, wont it?

bottomline is, lets just hope when i actually meet this kind of guys, they wont spend more time in front of the mirror than i do. thank you.

ps: pardon me for the very bimbo post. sitting at home all day, with nothing else interesting other than e! channel, is not really generating the creative and intelligent side of the brain.

14 Sep 2009

family reunion

september is a month full of surprises. that is, for my family at least.

dear cousin max and gerald aka zaireel, but i choose to call him b-jay, (which some how made him mad, and i love it!) came back to surprise their parents (which happens to be my aunt and uncle)

and this is danial (or is it daniel?), b-jay's 2nd son, who is ever so handsome at just being 5 years old.

ive always loved family reunions. :)

note: the pink thingies in the background are the hantarans for my brother's upcoming engagement -- hand made by mama

13 Sep 2009

sick and disturbing

spoiler alert!

final destination 2009

thanks to kak nomi-maryumz, i spent 2 hours of my night getting freaked and sitting at the edge of my seat.


after seeing the girl's leg got crushed in this pulley kind of thing


after watching the guy's intestines and internal organs got sucked out of his friggin bu*t

that is all i can say.

i was left feeling traumatised.


12 Sep 2009

a happy day

yesterday was a VERY happy day
(except for the ending bit, but dont let that spoil the mood)

let me tell you why:

sungkai aka buka puasa is super marvelous!

i had ikan bulan goreng, ketam/crab, sayur midin, durian, and lush-licious ice-cream cake and not forgetting the lush-licious-finger-licking-extraordinaire cheese cake.. ooh! seriously, with all that good food, i can die now (but wait for me to taubat dulu. lol)

had an awesome birthday celebration for dear j-izzy

after 4-5 years not celebrating ANY of our birthdays together, finally we did it! and we had 2 cakes to top the night!

so, lets hope today goes the same too. :)

11 Sep 2009

shout out for: Jessica Isabelle

to the lady who turned 22 today, which makes her officially older than me, which i must say merely by months -- almost 4 months to be exact

hey dear cousin!
happy 22nd birthday

i wish u all the happiness in the world,
and all good things in life,
and all the fun bits throughout!

haffa blast babeness!
love you

9 Sep 2009

of biscuits and biscotti

aidilfitri is just around the corner, and obviously, every household in malaysia especially, will be busy preparing what nots for the big day. so for my household, it has been weeks of cleaning windows, window panes, grills, gates.. changing the curtains.. you know, the usuals.

as for this week, its biscuits time. mama is a great biscuits baker. she baked the best cookies-biscuits in sibu, i can say. she can, and she did sell them, and it sells like .. goreng pisang(?) but she refuses to continue because she said, she doesnt have enough quality time with her kids. --mama is THE lady.

and with that, i conclude, i will go awol for the whole week, maybe..
stuff still runs through my head, but since im too occupied to even note it down, i just forget.

and thought of the day :

"Wanita-wanita yang keji diperuntukkan bagi laki-laki yang keji. Laki-laki yang keji diperuntukkan bagi wanita yang keji. Dan wanita-wanita yang baik diperuntukkan bagi laki-laki yang baik. Laki-laki yang baik diperuntukkan bagi wanita yang baik”

(QS An-Nuur: 26)

7 Sep 2009

a blast from the past (part III)

i found rm19.19 in my birthday cards stash!

thanks to the family tradition of giving money in the amount of you age (eg: 20=rm20.20, etc.), i now have rm19 extra. weeho! i might go through some other later, just in case the ones from my 18th birthday is still there. lol! whos to say going through old stuff is just dusty and dirty ;)

at the times where i dont really earn any allowance or income, and im not really into asking money from my parents, rm19 seems like a huge amount ok! :P

6 Sep 2009

a blast from the past (part II)

i found this piece when i was browsing through the book.

i see you crying over something i dont know
but now i know why
you have to leave
you have to go
it hurts so much to see you go
to know that i'm not goin' to see you again
for how long .. i don't know

our friendship was precious
we were so close
the next thing i know
i had fall in love with you

it has been 3 years now
since you leave this town
you promised to call
you promised to write
but you never did
everyday i waited
but nothing came to my mailbox
except for the bills and the brochures on some crap .. i don't wanna know

so i gave up hope
and i wrote this song
to tell you that i never forget you
the way you've forgotten me
coz i love you girl
and no one is better than you

but if this is how you're treating me
you had broke my heart to pieces
and i could never put it back together again

*i am still a little bit confused myself, whether or not i have written this by myself, or is it something i picked up somewhere. but if i did it myself, i really dont know why i was so morbid. lol*

5 Sep 2009


i am so sorry for the constant deleting and reappearing posts.

as it may have seem, the site is still under progress, as i am still trying to import all my posts from my previous blog.. not that those posts really matter, but its kind of important to me to 'cherish' the immatureness of my old posts and my stories (also including the fact i am going to delete the old blog), and see how i evolve since then. lol.

until there is a new post, i will see you again.

4 Sep 2009

a blast from the past (part I)

im at my parents house and i was looking for a book or a piece of paper in my study drawer. then i stumble upon my old grammar and literature exercise book back from the days of form 4 and this is what i found:

note that this was done when i was 16, and now im 21. so.. i am at the stage of 5 years from now. and i think i do still look pre-mature and i am very much studying. lol. lets see if the rest does fall under the plan.

a post for HELMI RAHIM

happy 21st birthday HELMI!

I wish you all the very best in life.

sorry kitorang takde kat newcastle to celebrate with you, but nak celebrate cane pun kan.. bulan puase kot. anyways, you are an awesome friend and definitely a great shopping buddy! and dude, you're legal! happy birthday! x

expectation (ek′spek tās̸hən)


  1. a looking forward to; anticipation
  2. a looking for as due, proper, or necessary
  3. a thing looked forward to
  4. a reason or warrant for looking forward to something; prospect for the future, as of advancement or prosperity
  5. the probability of the occurrence, duration, etc. of something, esp. as indicated by statistics
whatever the meaning is, you are never meant to have them. it can only bring you 2 extremes:
  1. you can be overly satisfied, despite the fact that it may not yet be enough
  2. you'll be overly crushed, because you thought you deserve better.
either way, it wont do yourself any good.
so rather than having them, just think logically. only then you'll be safe.


Life comes with many choices.

if one said they don't have any choice, that just simply mean that the other option for them is not really doable.

then, among those choices, we have FIRST CHOICE and LAST CHOICE, but what does that really mean?


  1. it is THE BEST among all, and that's what you really want
  2. it is the first thing that came to mind because you just don't know what to pick
  1. it is the last thing that you think of having, and it could be the worst of the bunch
  2. it is the best among all. and it is the last one because you wanted to try everything else first.
but what could be better..

2 Sep 2009


a wise friend of mine said his father told him this:

" no matter how much money you have, think that you can only spend half of it "

i think i'm going to stick to that piece of advice.

1 Sep 2009

like a song

Like A Song

by Lenka

I can't forget you when you're gone.
You're like a song
That goes around in my head.
And how I regret
It's been so long.
Oh, what went wrong?
Could it be something I said?
Time, make it go faster,
Or just rewind
To back when im wrapped in your arms


Dum da di da
Da da da dum
Da da da dum
Da da da dum da da di dum
Da di dum dum
Da da da dum
Da da da dum
Da da da dum la da da di da dum

All afternoon long
It's with me
The same song
You left a light on
Inside me
My love

I can Remember
The way that it felt
To be holding on to you

Da dum da da di dum
Ooh dum di dum

Make it go faster
Or just decide
To come back to my happy heart.

Ahooh oh

the song is very magical and suitable for a mysterious ball, ie a masquerade
Time, make it go faster or just rewind to when im wrapped in your arms


what is this word? and where and how does it came about?

according to the malays, angau means lovesick - Languishing because of love.

according to the Welsh, angau means death.

according to the Eldar, angau means destiny, doom, fate.

but if we come back to the sense of the word in our community, it is the combination of all the words above.

angau - a feeling that arise due to our believe in our destiny or fate in another person, that turn us into behaving like lovesick puppies, which then could eventually brings death. or if i would like to sugar coat the fact -- it can turn into an eternal love, that could only be separated by death.

a good day

yesterday has been a good day for me.

2 people actually flatter me with compliments, which i must admit, i rarely get and its really great.

i drove my friends from sabah (nico, michelle and 1 other guy whom im not so sure of the name till now) around sibu town, and show them whatever it is there is here in this small cowboy town that i call home, that matter. and yes, i have been driving solo the whole time, which i must add, a rarely occassion since i've gotten my license 4 years back. despite the constant swearing and an incident of car's-butt-kissing-the-wall-of-MUC's-gate, i did enjoy myself, and i really hope they did too. *yikes. but i did apologize relentlessly regarding the bad swearing and the bad driving skills* and thanks to that small accident, i actually think i drive a lot better now. how do i know this? there are less screaming and "oi-oi-oi!" from papa and mama when they are in the car. *yeay!*

anyways, yesterday too had been a good day, because i was having a good mood the whole day. nothing really pissed me off and made me want to debate everything, except for the exceptional driving skills that sibu people have (and maybe myself too at times). sigh. and there is NOTHING i, nor does anybody else, can do about it.

naina (abg lin and kak ina's daughter) was also nice and friendly to me, despite the fact that she is a bit scared of others, especially the ladies. and yes, i did say 'the ladies', because she IS afraid of the ladies, but not so much the men. speaking of gender preference, huh. lol. we even have them since we were kids! but why oh why, do we still have gays and lesbians running the streets - not that im really against them - but its obviously wrong and against the law of nature, no? though im not going to comment much on that. it may create this huge debacle, and im not really in the mood for that yet.

so yesterday was a good day, and lets just hope today is the same, or maybe even better.

have a good day everyone!

a post for mama

Some people may have Hillary Clinton as their idol. Some may even have Nicole Scherzinger. Some may even have Datin Seri Rosmah.

but mine, is my one and only mama, Saliah Japaruddin.

do know how awesome my mama is?

she has been raising us all 3 all on her sweat and tears, and also papa's obviously.

she has been the household manager for almost 31 years now.

she has been our infamous financial planner, and i must say, she is really good at it.

she is the most practical person i have ever met and know, and i really admire her for that.

she is very humble and down-to-earth, and very generous at the same time.

she is very talented and artistic - a talent that I have been longing to have, but never did.  just look at all her handy work all these years!

she has this green hands, where everything that she planted, grows! we have this huge green garden around the house because of her.

she is my personal shrink. motivator. and guidance counselor. her in depth about life is simply amazing.

she has been the pillar for all us 3, ever since we started being independent. she may have not been holding our hands the whole time, but she was - and still is - definitely there, when we slipped, or even when we fall.

she has been a great friend, and even gossip partner, ever since i was away from home. *i couldnt say the same thing about her when i was in high school, because she has been a bit strict. maybe because of parents-children boundary issues*

and most important of all, she has been setting this life trend ever since i was a child, and i am not ashamed to say this: I WANT TO GROW UP TO BE JUST LIKE HER - OR MAYBE BETTER.

because, mama, you are this rare gemstone that has been on the surface of the earth, but nobody has really acknowledged your quality, because your spark just hasn't caught their eyes yet.

i admire your determination, your principle, your discipline, your wittiness and your courage, in order to raise us, feed us, love us, nurture us, and most importantly, help us growing up, and stand on our own feet.

thank you mama for everything that you had ever done and going to do.

and i salute you.

"Ya Allah, ampunilah dosaku, dan dosa kedua ibu bapa ku, dan sayangilah mereka sepertimana mereka menyayangiku diwaktu kecilku"


i love you mama.

Nadya Summer

i hate it.

everytime im in a conversation, its always "that" that reappears.

i hate it.



agh. i hate "that" more for even have to put me in this position at the first place.

i hate you.