happy new year everyone!!

hello frens.
new year is just around the corner. to be exact, it is just 3 days away now.. and this whole week, i had been thinking to myself, what have i accomplished this year? did i accomplished anything.. at all?
when i go through my check list, it seems like i havent change and accomplish anything AT ALL.. well, i might exaggerate that a little bit, but even if i did accomplish something, it doesnt really make any changes or impact on myself. as i can see, im still the same old me.. lazy, or maybe even lazier, unpretty as i was, self-concious, single (as how i started this year), still behind in my studies. im still bad in my econs. im still sensitive. i still listen to rock. and i still love banana.

but as i go through, i figure that i did accomplish something that i didnt manage to accomplish last year. this year, i became even much closer with everyone around me. i have more friends than i used to have. i tend to think more carefully in doing decisions. i know how to make my own stand and make others listen to me, and not letting myself continuously become a follower. i tend to do MORE things on my own, independently. i tend to mess up less. i broke less hearts, including my parents. well, maybe for my siblings, i did break theirs, but i am truly sorry.. i juz need u guys to listen to me. i no longer want to be someone that u can bully and expect me to swallow everything that u told me to do or think or say. i do have my own stand now..

all i'm trying to say is, i've become more adult-ish after this one. ive grown. im no longer that little girl that people can just do watever they want to do to me. i have my own thoughts. my own desire. my own judgement. all i want to be is THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN that everyone else wants to be.

so this coming new year, i would like to make new hopes. new dreams. new desire. and of course.. new clothes! ahax! cant wait to go shopping again. akeke.. =P
so to all of you, have u thought wat u have done this year and what u have accomplished? are u now a better person or are you not? same goes to me.. let us all improvise ourselves and lets make the world a better place for everyone else, and ourselves..

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL..
and SALAM AIDILADHA..

-peace-
:: summer_breeze ::

r u one of the IDIOTS??

"10 THINGS IDIOTS DO ON FRIENDSTER"

Message:

ONE


there is NO SUCH THING as a friendster
tracker.

it does NOT exist.
so quit posting
stupid bulletins
like

"OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!"

no, it doesnt.

TWO


To the people who have like 25,000
friends,

are you serious?

You're stupid.

Go play in traffic.

THREE


Don't ever post pictures and say

"OMG, I'm so ugly"

"OMG, I'm so fat"

because if you were,

you wouldn't post them.


And if u do ur a freaking NERD.

FOUR


Nobody cares about threats over the
internet.

Don't try to act hardcore with the
keyboard.

Fighting online is like racing in the
special
olympics;


even if you win, you're still retarded.

FIVE


Quit crying

b/c you're not on someones top 8.

who cares?


ITS FRIENDSTER!!!

Stop naggin!!!

SIX


Who really cares if

I don't accept you as a friend?

MOVE ON!!!


Don't send me another request or
message
asking

"what's up with you not adding me?"

I don't want you as a friend,

THATS WHATS UP!!!!

SEVEN


Little 6th graders who have Friendster

and look like sluts, and act like
whores

go somewhere else

because nobody wants you here.

EIGHT


If you have decided to read this,

you are a true friendster Friend.


Real friends read their bulletins.

NINE


I say you go and pass this on

and maybe it will finally get through
people's brains

TEN


And if you open a bulletin and it says
something
like

"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost
will rape
your
dog
tonight,
or
"some dead skinless girl is
gonna rape
your
mom"

dont ever trust it. it's lame, u morone!

ELEVEN


testi is for u to drop testi regarding
your frens

but not for those stupid to post msg
thr..

testi is testi, msg is msg..

if u wanna chat, pls sent to msg!!
stupid~

...

QUIT BEING A TOTAL GAY WAD!!

life sucks no matter how much u tried to make it better

i see that telling stories is not my strongest traits. so, i think i shud put it into quotes or poems, or translation of lyrics of songs..

i do not know why i hate myself
i hate everything around me
i hate my life now
i hate the school
i hate those who always think about themselves
those who think that they're just too good for everyone else
those who dont really appreciate what others did for them
those who cant understand what others feel
those who just cant see the obvious
those who just dont get it
those who .... agh!!!

see, that's why i hate myself!
i hate myself so much that i want to destroy everything that i have
i'm so angry
im so sad
im so depressed
why?
i DONT KNOW!!
im crazy
im lunatic
im just unbearable
im annoying
im a crap!

no one can really understand me
no one can really cheer me up
no one can really bear all this dreadful thoughts of mine

i wanna scream
i wanna cry
i wanna jump off this building
or take a razor and cut off these veins
or just put a bullet into my head
and let all these miseries ends
but hey, suicide is a short cut to hell
n i dont want to go to hell yet.

why do i have to be the one who's feeling so miserable?
it's like i have the weight of the world on my shoulder
i've disappointed so many people in my life
i've lost all the patience that i have
every morning always leads to a gloomy day
those happy days that i used to have are now: GONE
they said "shit happens"
but man, life is full of shit
i've been making shit out of it!

agh!
damn all the sorrows
damn all the depression
damn all the miseries
damn all the darkness that i have now
damn them all
and leave me alone!
STOP HAUNTING ME!!

i love you but i chose darkness

first of all, i would like to say i'm sorry to everyone that i've hurt in my mood-swinging-mode. i know ive been a bitch towards everyone lately, and i totally regret what i've done, but this mood swinging thing, i dont think it is going to end soon. so juz bear with me just one week longer k.

if u r asking me what actually made me like this, i dont have an answer for that, for i too, do not know. it had been a while.. since college starts i guess.. and since everyone is leaving. i know, how pathetic i am to hold on too tight on the past so much and not wanting to let it go and move on, but .. i cant help it ok.

this mood swinging SUCKS. i cant be happy for even longer than 1/2 a day. this morning i was super hyper and happy. but now, im back being gloomy and crazy. start listening to this crappy depressing songs. happy songs sounds like shit for me now. i dont know why. love songs worse. my mind and head seems like to block all those songs out now. i do not know why. crazy? i thot so too..

"i love u, but i chose darkness". i love u guys as frens, but im sorry. let me be gloomy this few days. efforts to cheer me up will be deeply appreciated.
thanx a lot for being there for me my frens. love u guys so much.
till then..
hope i will feel better when i'm back..

:: summer_no longer has breeze ::

G-G ku yg gedik!

okay.. ni G-G ku yg menggedik nak chatting n tengok tv.. well, actually, die ikut tabiat dan perangai aku.. so, tak leyh blame die sangat. ni mesti waktu aku tak de kat rumah ari tu.. sangat tak leyh blah la bende ni.. adehhh...

budak-budak zaman sekarang, semuanya pelik...

:: summer_breeze ::

PANGKOR .. a place like no other

for once, i will not complain and brag on how boring my holiday had been, coz it's not! haha.. anyways, last saturday, some of the aytrs and i, namely: bg tengku, bg rizal, bg azrol, bg wan fariz, bg haji, yogz , bg saiffil, lukman, mulan, alia, d-jah, fariha and ummu, went on a programme "CEKAL ADIKKU" and become the facilitators for this thing. well, the participants are the form 2 students of SMK Sg Besar, who are kinda poor but they actly have the potential to success.. so, that's where they might need our help to guide them and to show an example.. bla.. bla.. bla..

so, at the beginning, the kids they're kinda.... how should i put it.... frustrating. they didnt really give their all out for the activities.. when we asked them to come forward, they will hesitate and have a hard time to deliver what we told them to deliver.. so, it's kinda really frustrating. lepas tu, kitorang start buat public speaking session and try to bond with the students. we actly must try our very best to get connected with these kids, coz if we are still the strangers that they dont trust, so, we will never know what goes on in their head and what make them what they are now.. so, yeah, we tried and we tried, thank god, towards the end they had started to talk more rather than just listen. as for my mentee, all are ok.. except for this one girl, name: samsiah. on day 1 it was really hard to make her talk and tell stories. then she started making faces as if hating everything that we told them to do.. so, we tried like so many ways of approach, and finally, that girl starts to talk.. how happy was i!! haha.. my group in all, except for the boys, they dont really open up towards me.. so, kalo nk tye wat really bother them, i cant really tell.. but, i still have one month before score-a programme starts, so i think i'm gonna take this chance..

as for my side of story,this trip was SUPER AWESOME!! i snorkel for the first time, i floated for the 1st time... hahhaha! finally.. okay, 1st day, nothing outdoor, sumer nyer indoor. tu pun sampai pangkor around evening. malam, lepas dinner ade talk for those kids on the score-A programme.. dah le hujan lebat giler.. thank god ade bawak sweater.. huhu..
2nd day, morning starts with indoor activities for those kids. the public speaking session..waktu tu, the girl, samsiah, still tak leyh talk and open up.. sgt frust dah waktu tu... and then bla..bla..bla..
lepas lunch, around 2 sumthing kot, pegi beach, nak g kayak.. but then pak said, the outdoor commander, bg briefing yg bapak lamer giler,... kitorang yg dok kat tepi pon dah naik bosan duduk tak wat paper.. tetibe, pastu ade mamat keling mane tah pegi ambik buah kelape and kitorang pon membeli... okay, seriously speaking, i never like to drink coconut drinks.. my dad had even forced me to eat it, but somehow, i'll end up not finishing it.. but hari tu, i dunno y, suddenly i can drink air tu practically half of the whole thing! maybe sbb die fresh, i dunno, but yeah, i DID!! papa will be very proud.. huhu.. anyways, lepas makan the isi and minum the air, d-jah and i g masuk dalam air n berusahe untuk blaja camner nak berenang.. and terapung.. somehow, we end sinking into the water.. tambah lagi ade je abg2 yg jahat g splash air laa ape laa.. ish~ lepas main2 dalam air sumer, dak2 tu start laa berkayak towards the other pulau.. and i, at first, naik boat je waktu tu. but then, tetibe ade this one kayak tersadai kat tgh2 and the girls on it, sorang plak mabuk laut. so bg saiffil and i have to replace them and berkayak laa sampai ke pulau tu.. dah sampai, pergi masuk air lagi and mengapungkan diri gune life jacket.. hahaha.. (p/s: i do not know how to swim.. so, yeah~) lepas tu, pegi snorkeling.. it was fun, able to see stuff under water, but sadly, there were not many fishes to be seen.. haha.. anyways, lepas tu, derang beli burger from tengah pulau tu, cost: rm2.50. agak ok laa kan? standard price.. lepas tu g makan dalam air.. i mean not me and the burger being under water, juz half of my body in the water, but my head and my hand and my burger is above the water.. (get what im saying?) so, lepas makan, sambung balik lesson mengapungkan diri. finally, i can do it! hahha.. tp tu terapung with my face down, so.. yeah. an accomplishment!! hahaha...
lepas sumer tu, time to balik.. but the students have to kayak around the pulau first, then berkayak balik ke teluk nipah beach. and then ade plak kayak terlebih.. so, bg rizal and i pun berkayak laa balik.. 1st tu, agak cuak sebab ade wave, and we were like parallel to the wave front.. so, tkt sgt the kayak will capsize.. dah le tak reti nak swim! haha..so, bg rizal pun dgn berjaye nyer, dpt buat our kayak normal to the wave front... hehehe.... dah tu kayak balik... and then buat human sculpture gune sand.. hehehe.. sronot! pastu volleyball and the evening ends.. mlm plak buat LDK and bg azrol buat slot.. that's when the girl start to talk more than i had expected.. so, sgt berpuas hati laa.. ehhehe.. =D

3rd day, our last day here.. pagi start with pocho dance witht he kids.. then main sifir siput.. then buat BANDAR MADANI..the facis pun buat jugakk.. tapi sayang.. we were disqualified.. hahaha.. after that, tetibe sape tah came up with the idea, naik the banana boat. 1st tu tanak g sbb mls nak tuka baju n bwk balik baju basah n all.. but then, pujuk punyer pujuk.. so pegi jer.. and nasib baik pegi! becoz it was the ultimate fun! (cheh.. giler hyperbola~!)so, byr rm10 each for that, then naik laa... pusing2 2round, then dier g swing the boatm terus capsize... huhu.. and fyi, waktu tu was like an hour before kitorang berangkat untuk balik.. giloz tak? hahha.. but, wat the heck.. as long as we had a great time, then nothing else matters...

pastu around 2pm, lepas lunch and photo session with the kids, kitorang gerak g jetty. shopping sket, pastu balik naik ferry ke lumut.. from lumut naik bus and head back to KL.. arrive at memorial around 8.15pm. g anta alia ngn bg wan, then mkn kat umah alia (dgn uninvited nyer) then me come back home.......

the end of my pangkor trip..... and wat sucks now, i havent finished my personal statement and the date due is on this 29th!!!! and i havent study my chemistry for the test that miss careen had promised before the 'holiday'. and wats worst, my dirty clothes from pangkor, yg 1 bag penuh tu, tak cuci lagi....... waaaa~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok..ok.. nak buat laundry jap. laytaa guys~!

:: summer_breeze ::

disintegration . jimmy eat world

i was suppose to study right now, but hack, i'm going to take juz a few minutes to write this thing. what a shame if i dont share this INCREDIBLE SONG by JIMMY EAT WORLD - DISINTEGRATION. well, thanx to one tree hill, i know this song and FALL IN LOVE with it..

this song is maybe THE BEST SONG that i had EVER heard. the lyrics are
so deep. it tells u about a guy who had been betrayed in a relationship
and the girl has only been using him. the phrase i love most in this
song is:
       "hanging on a cigarette,
        u need me,
        u burn me"

well, not a
wierd thing in a relationship, huh? where u need someone, but u end up
hurting them.

the music to this song is SUPERB! when it started, the
slow guitar strum.. and the haunting wordings and voice. then when it comes to
chorus, the drum beats.. then there comes JIM ADKINS with lead vocal..
it's like he's totally angry and pissed and disappointed.. it really
gets to u, u know. the song is so real and it feels like u are the one
who's suffering and been cheated on.. it makes u wanna cry and be alone and mourn.. but at the same time, u wanna punch someone in the face and make them feel watever it is u're feeling..

so, listen to this song u guys..
it's just SUPER AWESOME!!

and u wanna know something guys, if u r thinking of looking for songs that is GREAT and nobody have ever heard before, check out music featured on one tree hill.. and also their episodes title.. coz know it  or not, their episodes title, each and every one of them are actually a title to a song by both unknown and known super cool bands or singers with SUPER GREAT musics.. so, giv it a try k!

alright.. i shud continue my studying.. so, later guys!

:: summer_breeze ::

p/s: am soooo in LOVE with jimmy eat world now~~~~~ (^_^)